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My cousin from Vietnam came to visit last week. We were close friends back then and shared every class together. Of course, she was always top of the class, and I ranked towards the bottom. I haven’t seen her in more than 16 years, so it was nice catching up on old times.

One shocking news she brought was that my best friend from childhood has turned gay. Actually, he turned flamboyantly gay, so much that he was wearing dresses at one point. In fact, most college students in Vietnam experiment with homosexuality, primarily due to cramped dorm rooms. So I was told. But eventually they grow out of it after graduation. Unfortunately, my friend continued to fraternize with the same crowd and was stuck.

Perhaps even more shocking is that my childhood crush still remembers me. She is pretty, wealthy, lanky, and incredibly sweet. So I was told. Glad to know I left a lasting impression on her.

I haven’t the slightest idea where I want to reside. Dallas or Houston?

I have always loved Dallas for its environment, its vast varieties of Vietnamese food, and of course its pharmacy market. But lately, Houston is on my mind.

For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been visiting my brother in Houston. Quite frankly, the city is growing on me. It boasts everything Dallas has to offer and 4 hours closer to home.

Then again, I’ve taken a strong dislike for traffic jams and road constructions, which makes staying here ideal.

I’m a squiggle who has no plans and can’t decide. Go figure.

At least when it comes to cars. If you have conversed with me even for 10 seconds in the last 3 months, you know that one of the biggest gripes I have about my car is its size. My car is a whale of a sedan, too big for a little guy like me. But, after warrioring over 6 hours on the road in a rented Chevy Cobalt, I’ve come to love my chubby car like I love my chubby women. Driving the Cobalt is like sitting on a speeding vibrator. I could feel every bump and every turn. Whereas in my car, I feel protected, pampered, euphoric even, with its smooth ride and adjustable everything. I am so glad I bought the blubber. Hopefully she’s in it for the long haul.

Thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump … the entire fucking night. I had no idea where the noise was coming from. It seemed to originate from wherever I went. I checked out the kitchen, it was there; the bathroom, it was there; the living room, still there. The only place that seemed quiet was the laundry room, and I wasn’t going to spend the night there. Even my ear plugs couldn’t drown out the noise. Whatever it was, it better not come back tonight.

I have a new love. I’ve only started seeing her a few weeks ago. She came at the right time in my life. I’m even willing to admit that I really need her. After a long day at work, she’s Vicodin for my achy feet, Ativan for my stress, Seroquel for my insanity, Ambien for my insomnia. Dinner isn’t the same without her by my side.

She’s American.

She’s from Milwaukee.

Her first name is Miller.

Her last name is Lite.

Miller Lite.

That’s my new love. I like her cold, ice cold, so cold that I get chills down my spine.

Every retail pharmacist has an alcohol beverage of choice. Miller Lite is mine.

I was spiking up my hair one morning before work and suddenly noticed my receding hairline. I’ve come to a realization that retail pharmacy is not only taking away my energy, but also my social life and my youth.

Damn you 12-hour shift. Damn you weekends with just one tech. Damn you narcotic seeking morons soliciting early refills. Damn you insurance rejections. Damn you imbeciles too dumb to accept your deductible and bitch at me for your high copays.

Just imagine what it would be like if I hated my job.

I have a terrific career, immune from any economic collapses, secured from any job cuts anywhere in the continental United States. I am employed by a great chain, one that many pharmacists would love to be a part of. Commuting to that great chain, I seat on the leather seat of a brand new car, loaded with all the bells and whistles of a luxury vehicle. And after work, I come home to a gated apartment complex on the third floor, with a magnificent aerial view of the sunset. Life is good. Life is everything I’ve ever wanted it to be. The only problem is, I’m not happy.

Somehow I just can’t feel anything. I am uncharmed, unmotivated, unemotional to everything around me. Something is missing, something beyond material possessions, beyond human contacts, perhaps beyond life itself. There’s a huge void in me, a void I can’t seem to define. I come home from work, only to retreat to my own little world. I look at my long list of bills, only to realize that I strain everyday just to pay off those bills. It seems that I am merely making a living instead of really living. The recession, the fallouts, the job cuts do nothing but exacerbate these feelings.

Perhaps I need to deepen my spiritual life. Perhaps I need to commit to someone for life. Or perhaps I simply need to get a life because these are just passing feelings. I really hope it’s the latter.

Got a chain mail from an old friend. Thought I’d give this a try.

Five names you go by:

1. Mr. Le
2. DL
3. Bèo
4. Cưng
5. Chạt Bộp

Three things you are wearing right now:

1. Blue PJ pants
2. Blue slippers
3. White T-shirt

Two things you want very badly at the moment:

1. A vacation
2. Go to the bathroom

Two things you did last night:

1. Went and got a new car
2. Fell asleep watching CSI

Two things you ate today:

1. Bánh chưng
2. Củ kiệu

Two people you last talked to on the phone:

1. Chi Phuong Anh
2. Anh Thanh

Two things you are going to do tomorrow:

1. Đi cày
2. Về nhà ngủ

Two longest car rides:

1. Driving home from Wisconsin after graduation (24 hours)
2. Driving to Dallas and getting lost along the way (9.5 hours)

Two of your favorite beverages:

1. Dr. Pepper (no, it doesn’t taste like “roach juice”)
2. Starbucks Mocca Frappuccino with no whipped cream

The people you’d like to respond:
(I really should start returning people’s calls)

1. Andrew
2. Hanh
3. Kim
4. Nu
5. Hoang
6. Vy

As I welcome the year of the ox, here’s a look back at the year of the rat.

A lot has happened in 2008. My long, long, long career as a student finally concluded. I opted not to walk at graduation. It just seems a bit selfish of me to force a 4-hour drive on my family for a degree I should have obtained 4 years earlier. I was pleased, however, to graduate cum laude. I accepted an executive pharmacist position with a retailer, with whom I can say with almost certainty that I will retire, although they’re starting to annoy me with their latest roll out.

I became a father, a godfather, of 2 beautiful boys whose pictures are plastered all over this blog. The patience, commitment, and responsibility incurred from raising these boys made me realize that I am nowhere close to being ready for a family. I love my godchildren, but it’s nice to be able to give them back at the end of the day.

For over 30 years, I haven’t been really separated from my twin brother. We’re 2 peas in a pod. I know all his secrets, and he knows mine. Recently, he was presented with a terrific opportunity for advancement in both salary and career in Houston. He accepted it, and just like that, the 2 peas are abstracted.

His move made me contemplate about my own. One of the reasons why I stayed here after graduation was to be close to him, to be close to my family. Since Houston isn’t my ideal city, I have my thoughts on Dallas. In a couple of months, I will be in the Lone Star state. And that’s where 2009 will pick up.

Read more, particularly self-help books. I don’t know what it is but I just hate reading. I can’t peruse through a paragraph without skipping over at least a dozen words. This year I will muster up some patience and finish a few books.

Exercise, at a minimum 3 days a week. I miss my washboard stomach. Plus I tend to eat better, sleep better, and play better when I’m physically fit.

Learn how to cook. To say I suck at it is an understatement. I can’t even boil an egg.

Better my clinical skill. I want to be more confident in recommending a change in drug regimen from expensive brand to cheaper alternative generics. That means reading more guidelines and staying abreast with latest publications.

Be more thrifty. I’m spending way too much money. Need to stop spoiling myself and save up for a house.

Shoot more. Portrait is my passion. Especially outdoor portraits.